All the semi colon posts yesterday were amazing! (This is long but please bear with it and make it to the end) For those of you that are new, on July 17, 2015 my cousin took his life. He was 59, and I wanted to do something to honor him, so I biked and ran 59 miles and swam 59 laps in one month for him. With the help of Candice Colelli Cunningham, semifly was born, and I sported it along the way that month. When it was over, I decided semifly needed to be a part of every race. You see, I know how he felt. I remember exactly where I was the first time I thought "I just want to die", and the feeling behind that thought. I was 13. I remember screaming and crying on the inside, and smiling on the outside. I hid it. For so long I hid it. My cousin hid it too. He gave no warning signs. He told no one. We hide it because we're scared. So many are scared! During those years that I didn't tell anyone, I remember seeing semicolon tattoos on people and feeling a sense of peace. I knew they knew what I was going through. Even if that moment only lasted a second, for that second I wasn't alone. When you feel nothing but emptiness and despair, that second is everything. When you feel completely lost and like no one understands, that second can get you through the whole day. When you feel like that person is holding your hand from afar, even tho you don't know their name...you feel like you can breath a little easier, even if just for a second, because that second feels like heaven when you're living in hell. To all of those that aren't new, that have done this for me before and have a desire to continue...YOU are making a difference. YOU are letting someone know they're not alone, when all they feel is completely alone. There are those that don't know how it feels, and you're letting them know that you support and love this thing that isn't easily understood. It's something that isn't tangible, and easy to shun. Your example will help them think twice before they dismiss it as something that's not real. So, thank you to all that have supported this or are about to, whether for me or for loved ones you've lost along the way. I'm so glad this seems like it will be a part of the HSHM, especially it being National Survivors of Suicide Day. I'll semicolon for my cousin, as I survived his...and I've survived 4 of my own attempts (can't get anything right...sheesh 🙄)
I know this is already long, but I want to add...if you suspect anyone is struggling in this way, ask them how they are...really ask them. Don't let them tell you they're fine if your know they're not. Be pushy. Ask them if they feel safe. Ask them to tell you what they need. Don't accept "nothing". Tell them they're loved. Check on them frequently. Know they feel like a burden, and they don't want to bother you...do whatever you can to keep them bothering you. Let them laugh or cry or do whatever they need to. Just be there. And take care of you so you can better help them. Know they are grateful, even when they don't seem like they are. They're grateful for every second you spend trying to help them save themselves from a beast that's swallowing them whole. Those seconds are seconds that you're in that pit of despair with them, and that is incredibly huge to them. You're saving them bit by bit. If anything, remember...when people are the hardest to love, that's when they need it the most.
Below is the first race pic of semifly. I was self conscious that day about it, as there were about 50 HSRC members at this race, but they were so great, such a loving family about this. Words can't express my gratitude that they've grown this so much! Thank you! I love you HSRC!
#runwithasemi #yourenotalone #we;thistown #semifly
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